Feels Like Home

Hot and Cold

Lately I have been struggling to see things one way. It seems things are changing so fast. the weather today was mid fifties and as I helped to load the car with the last of my sisters things in a t-shirt I thought about the unusual weather. Tommorow it is supposed to get cold again, predictable weather for january.
Mel will be leaving soon and I am not looking forward to that -cold- but i am excited about her new adventures in the things of the Lord -hot- So many situations have been running that way, hot and cold and sometimes it is hard to get a firm grasp on what I really feel about the things in my life.
When I speak to others about their identity in Christ I firmly believe all the joy and life in the promises -hot- but when I live them out in my own life it feels like I can't ever grab it tight enough-cold- I want more and more of Jesus but it is honestly easier to look out for others then myself. Somehow though I know even in that there is a hint of selfishness. As Dr. Phil says "a payoff". Maybe that payoff is that it has always been easier to live this way and to look out for others.
I find myself struggling for acceptance and also self acceptance. I want to be a priority to others but when it comes down to it that is a great fear as well.
Well I don't know why I am writing this here. I know prayers and grace are going to be needed as I begin a new semester. I am starting a new path and saying goodbye for a little while to my sister whom I love and whose guidance I have really appreciated in the last two years at Oswego. I have been blessed and even spoiled to be so close to her and now it is my turn to share her. I know she will make new paths and I will grow as well( in my head) but (in my heart) I still would prefer to grow less and have her close to me. Ah well.

posted by Kate @ 1/13/2005 10:39:00 PM